I'm back, bitches!

Ok so I attempted at writing a tamer blog so that it could be less anonymous and that was, well boring. So I'm back to this blog despite my 2 year hiatus.

So to start this triumphant return to blogging, I will begin to do a very very short update on the last 2 years. Somehow I managed to make it through the many rounds of mass layoffs at work and now that things have started to turn around for the company, I managed to score a kick ass promotion and all of a sudden love my job. Who the fuck loves to get up at 5am to go to work? I do, apparently. You should probably just kill me now because I'm turning into one of those people that I hate. One of those people that only has their job to talk about. One of those "live to work" not "work to live" people. But it is, what it is and I love it.

I bought my first place! I've been in now for a year and a half and I fucking love it. The first thing I did? Paint my bathroom hot pink. Why? BECAUSE IT'S MINE AND I CAN DO WHAT I WANT!

I haven't had a mental breakdown in 2 years. No more crazy emotional Amanda anymore. That's right, this tiny little pill I take every day makes me "normal." Ok, I'll never be normal (I'm weird as fuck, man!) but it makes able to live day to day without anxiety attacks and I sleep properly. The only thing is those pills totally made me fat. I had worked so hard to lose weight and be healthy and then all of a sudden I start taking this pill and I'm shoving whatever is edible and within arms reach in my mouth. My stomach screams for food all day long. And I obey it a lot of the time. So I'm back at 158lbs. I'd like to sit here and tell you that I'm doing my best to control this situation, but I'm really not (in fact I'm typing this as I eat greasy fast food breakfast sandwich). I do work out but eating has just been fucked. Oh well.

Sex has been non-existent for the last 7 months. OH MY GOD 7 MONTHS?! Wow. I really need to get plowed something terrible. And hopefully it will be soon, and of course I will relay all the dirty details.

Ok, so that's it. I'm back. I hope you all are still down to read my random day-to-day ramblings.

The Background Story

I guess I just want to share the awesomeness and hellishness (ya I make up my own words) of being in my early 20's and single. Oh did I mention I'm overweight? Throw that into the mix and you've got some seriously interesting stories.


So here's my background. My name is Amanda and I was in a relationship for over four years (17yrs old to 21) with a guy I met in high school. He was two years older than me and we had some fun times together but some seriously bad times together. At the end of our relationship I realized that he was actually emotionally abusive. I've been single now for just over a year. Do I love it? No. I love not being with him, but I don't love being single.


After the break up though it was like...SURPRISE! YOU ARE FAT! Where did this weight come from? How did I not notice it? After a sob-worthy step on the scale, I realized I had about 40lbs to lose. So I joined a forum that was specifically about living a healthy lifestyle. I'm not on some crazy fad diet. I just try to eat healthy, well balanced meals. I also exercise. Okay, I don't exercise anymore because I'm feeling really lazy right now, but I have every intention of starting up again. I promise. I've lost 20lbs so far and have 20 to go. Some of you might think, 20 is nothing but when you hold 20lbs of fat in your gut, it's something, trust me. I don't want to be too skinny, I'm happy being a curvaceous babe; I have tits and an ass, and I'd like to keep them for fuck's sake (I swear a lot too!).


And now to go in a completely different direction - my year of promiscuity. In the past year, I've been with 3 guys. One was a lovely friend of mine, it was discussed beforehand (sober) and there were no feelings involved. Seems like the perfect friends with benefit right? (oh did I mention, he was HUNG like nobodies business!?) NOPE, even though we've been friends for years and there's always been a sexual energy between us (read inappropriate jokes about fucking each other), he decided to be a complete ass and not call me after that. I recently ran into him and it was AWWWWKWARD!


Months and months after my night of unbelievable sex with my "friend," I started to have feelings for a guy, let's call him Blue (cuz he has purdy blue eyes *swoon*). Blue and I have a number of mutual friends but one in particular who we are both very close with. I happened to comment on my feelings towards him to our friend. She thought she'd do something about this and asked him how he felt about me. His respone (according to her) was that I was a "babe" and I had kick ass taste in music and seemed really cool and wanted to get to know me better. This sounds promising...until our first night of attempting to get to know each other better. I am socially inept. Unless I've been drinking. So I start slamming the drinks. Next thing I know, we are making out on his balcony and he's asking if I want to crash at his place that night. I think I slurred something back in attempts to sound sexy but it probably was seriously unattractive. After everyone left that night, we proceeded to his bedroom where we had some of the worst sex known to man. Seriously, TERRIBLE! He had some potential in the bedroom as he was gentle and sweet but I was DRUNK and HORNY and wanted to get laid. Don't caress my face when you should be slapping my ass buddy! Anyways...next morning was awkward. I had to do the walk of shame, as I was too drunk the night before to realize his brother decided to crash in his living room and quite possibly heard me faking it all night long. *Shudder* And the end to this story is that after sleeping with me, he broke my heart by telling me he isn't ready for a relationship. ASS! Blue and I have actually become pretty good friends, I don't hate him anymore that's for sure but definitely still sits on the Top Five List of Douchebags.


And on to number 3. Number 3 is recent. I decided perhaps I didn't want a relationship and should just concentrate on getting some lovin'. So I go to this party (Blue's party actually) and I meet this guy, TS is what we will call him, and even though I just met him I decided he was going to be my lover for the night. And love me he did. Oh boy did he ever. Nice work TS, seriously I applaud you. The following weekend, I run into TS again. We hook up again. YES! And we've exchanged numbers with a few text msgs in between. My goal for TS is for him to become more than a drunken hook up buddy and be a regular hook up buddy (drunk and sober). So right now I'm crossing my fingers that TS will pan out to be what I need him to be. I still have some interest for Blue though. But those feelings are fading.


So that is the background of the 20 something single girl with a bit of weight to lose. My blog is going to be about my weight loss and the trials and tribulations that is my sex/single life.