My Crazy Crazy Aunt

My Aunt (Mom's Sister) was just in town. She is fucking coocoobanana's. I can't stress enough how much I love her and how much she makes me laugh but seriously crazy. A few quotes from her stay:

"I got lost in the shower! Just about had a damn heartattack." WHAT? You got lost in the shower? I have been trying to type out her explanation of getting lost in the shower but it makes no sense, so lets just leave it at her getting "lost" in the shower and how incredibly odd that is.

Walking into my bedroom, she sees my bed and says "YOU COULD HAVE A THREESOME IN THAT BED!" My bed is nothing special or gigantic by any means so I have no idea what possessed her to comment on the potential for a threesome.

Sitting in my parent's living room with Mom, Stepdad, and Auntie, my aunt asks me "will you go to the toy store with me?" "Sure, Auntie. Are you picking up something for C? (her grandson)" Her response made my stepdad throw down his news paper and walk out. It made my mom choke on her coffee and blush 5 shades of red. It made me laugh until I couldn't breathe. What did she say? "No, not a real toy store. An adult toy store. I feel like my vagina is closing up its been so long since something has been in there. Its just been way too long since I've had an orgasm." I also feel the need to mention that I didn't take my aunt shopping for a new vibe.

I wish I had spent more time with her to catch the other random remarks she said during her visit.

I'm back, bitches!

Ok so I attempted at writing a tamer blog so that it could be less anonymous and that was, well boring. So I'm back to this blog despite my 2 year hiatus.

So to start this triumphant return to blogging, I will begin to do a very very short update on the last 2 years. Somehow I managed to make it through the many rounds of mass layoffs at work and now that things have started to turn around for the company, I managed to score a kick ass promotion and all of a sudden love my job. Who the fuck loves to get up at 5am to go to work? I do, apparently. You should probably just kill me now because I'm turning into one of those people that I hate. One of those people that only has their job to talk about. One of those "live to work" not "work to live" people. But it is, what it is and I love it.

I bought my first place! I've been in now for a year and a half and I fucking love it. The first thing I did? Paint my bathroom hot pink. Why? BECAUSE IT'S MINE AND I CAN DO WHAT I WANT!

I haven't had a mental breakdown in 2 years. No more crazy emotional Amanda anymore. That's right, this tiny little pill I take every day makes me "normal." Ok, I'll never be normal (I'm weird as fuck, man!) but it makes able to live day to day without anxiety attacks and I sleep properly. The only thing is those pills totally made me fat. I had worked so hard to lose weight and be healthy and then all of a sudden I start taking this pill and I'm shoving whatever is edible and within arms reach in my mouth. My stomach screams for food all day long. And I obey it a lot of the time. So I'm back at 158lbs. I'd like to sit here and tell you that I'm doing my best to control this situation, but I'm really not (in fact I'm typing this as I eat greasy fast food breakfast sandwich). I do work out but eating has just been fucked. Oh well.

Sex has been non-existent for the last 7 months. OH MY GOD 7 MONTHS?! Wow. I really need to get plowed something terrible. And hopefully it will be soon, and of course I will relay all the dirty details.

Ok, so that's it. I'm back. I hope you all are still down to read my random day-to-day ramblings.