So what do I really want?

I've been thinking about this a while now...do I really want a relationship? Or do I just want to find a good, reliable fuck buddy? I think it's one of those "the grass is always greener" situations.

The idea of a relationship kind of terrifies me. Let's put it this way, I'm an incredibly disciplined person. My life revolves around work and school. I make time for friends and the occasional party. I think about the guys that I associate with and I think of how different they are. They are all way too hardcore for me. TS, Blue and all of their friends are constant drinkers. Drinking every night of the week until two or three in the morning. On weekends drinking and partying until six or seven in the morning. It's ridiculous (and don't get me started on the fact that the majority of them are almost 27 fucking years old...seriously grow the fuck up!!!!) Since these are the guys I associate with on occasion, I can't imagine being in a relationship with anyone like them; it would drive me crazy! But where else do I meet someone? I need someone that is mature enough to not live their life for drunken shenanigans (although I love the drunken shenanigans, just not on a daily basis).

So since there is a major lack of mature boyfriend potential this leaves me with finding a good, reliable fuck buddy. But so far I've struck out with this. DB...fuck me and then don't talk to me until we run into each other 7 months later and act like nothing happened. TS was not originally supposed to be a fuck buddy; he was supposed to be a random one nighter. Fuck, I couldn't even remember his last name in the morning. But he gave me 4 orgasms in one night so I wasn't opposed to a second round. Second round came about and was equally as good. The idea of making him my fuck buddy came about after that. But then I continuously ran into him sober, and I liked sober TS. He seemed like a genuinely nice guy. He still does seem like a genuinely nice guy. So now the idea of him becoming a fuck buddy (not that we got very far after our second round anyways) is a bad bad idea because I could potentially fall for him, even though I know it's against my best interest. So where does this leave me?

This leaves me totally and completely fucked...or un-fucked actually. And to be perfectly honest with you all, I'm getting sick and fucking tired of masturbation.

This post is actually quite moot as I have no potential relationship man, nor do I have a potential fuck buddy. Perhaps, I should just look for a new vibrator?