Ah Friends...how do we feel about this?

G and my friendship seems to be going well. He came over last night to play some cards and watch a movie. It was good. Oh but the wanting of canoodling is so very strong.

My expectations with this friendship thing is probably too high. I do want to get to know him better but I also am yet to find anything I dislike about him and so my feelings for him tend to just get stronger. He's not the type of guy to hold on to me as a friend for the intent of another drunken hook up (he's not into drunken hook ups and despite our initial one, it was the first "anything" he's had in years) but I am concerned that I'm going to fall fucking head over heels for him and he's not going to tell me when/if his feelings for me change to "just friends" and I'll never get over him. With his ability to communicate his feelings to me, I have to assume he'll let me know if I should ever "write him off." I'm sincerely hoping he will anyways.

He asked me the other day what my biggest regret is...I said I didn't have one, but in all honesty, getting drunk and hooking up with him was my biggest regret to date. I hate that it left us both feeling like we're obligated to be in a relationship; now that we're out of that relationship, I really would like to get to a point where we are comfortable with the idea of giving it a shot but there's this fear now. Had I stayed sober (at least semi-sober) I wouldn't have slept with him; I wouldn't be in the position that I am now. We would have continued to do this awkward flirting and getting more comfortable with each other and just would have seen where it went. My expectations wouldn't be as high as they are now. High expectations = high insecurity levels.

That being said, no more getting shitfaced around him, period. This is me, holding myself accountable for this. If I do get drunk with him, you all have to comment with a "WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING?!" Deal?