Sometimes I wonder what is actually wrong with me that I can be so very insecure.
Due to the drunken Friday night which I barely remember and the resulting relationship, I'm so panicked right now. I kind of regret not being able to continue the fun/awkwardness of trying to figure out when he's going to make a move or whatever. I hate that I can't remember our first kiss or even the first time we had sex. But I do like that we've settled into a relationship and it's out in the open.
That being said, I still can only assume I made a total fool of myself and can not, for the life of me, figure out why he'd want to be with the drunk slutty girl. But he seems like he does. He's always has this serious look on his face (the same look that made me once think he was an arrogant douche) and it terrifies me. This look of his has me constantly expecting him to change his mind about everything (because it happened so so fast) and dump me. He'll call me and say "can I stop by for a bit?" and I'll assume it's him needing to stop by to end things. Then he'll stop by and sit me down next to him and ask me about my day. He just wants to spend time with me and I get so hung up in my own insecurities that I'm having trouble appreciating what's in front of me.
Fuck...is there no end to panic and confusion?
WHAT'S FOR LUNCH? DON'T ASK ME . . .
4 years ago
2 comments:
please take it lightly. insecurities can mess up a lot of things. don't expect or anticipate anything, good or bad. its nice to be pleasantly surprised. but don't drive a wedge between you guys because you are afraid of some things. no matter what you think of how things started, the truth is that he didn't think ill of you. if he had, he wouldn't be with you and putting it in the open. take it for face value. love yourself and realize that he likes you for you. doubting will only ruin things. I'm sure you are a great person and you deserve to accept that he thinks so too. sounds to me like he's doing normal relationship stuff. so just go with the flow. good luck sweetie! think up not down!
Girlll.... take it from me ( a total stranger (lol)) Take it to mean the best while preparing for the worst.
I lost a man that I love because I did this exact thing. I always thought he was going to leave me... and he never did... until the end... and it was because of my insecurities (amongst other things).
Be happy and enjoy the 'moment' for the MOMENT that it is... don't worry about the NEXT moment or next week or month or year or etc... Just be in the time that you're in...
Good luck and I look so forward to reading more about how this goes :)
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