Engaged....pffffft to that

So I found out quite recently that horrible ex is now engaged...to the slutbag that he cheated on me with. Engaged!

I realize the "slutbag" comment sounds like I'm bitter, but in my defense, she's a self proclaimed slut. So really, all I'm doing is giving her the lack of respect she asked for when she told us one time about getting gang-banged at a party. Of course that comment was made before she was sleeping with my then-boyfriend.

I dislike my ex. I even disliked him before we broke up and before I found out that he'd been cheating on me. I'm not pining over him. That being said, I do care about the fact that he's engaged. It's affecting me for some reason.

I'm trying really hard not to be affected by this but I am...fuck, am I ever. The irrational girl side of me is screaming "I couldn't even be good enough for a douchebag like him!"

Maybe my being affected by it has to do with the fact that I've had a major lack of relationships in the past year+ (G doesn't count as a relationship). I think this whole thing has caused a major self esteem implosion. I feel totally inadequate at the moment, like I'll never be good enough for anyone and I'll turn into a crazy cat lady (or at least a crazier cat lady.)

I'm no longer sure how I feel about karma. If karma was real then wouldn't I be the one in a relationship and he'd be the one sitting at home wondering if he's good enough to be with anyone.