I'll Squash My Own Spiders, Thank You Very Much

The mood today has been desperately lonely. It was another tough night of sleeping in my gigantic bed all by my lonesome (seriously considering buying a twin mattress). At about 2 am I dragged my pillow and duvet onto my couch as I have done almost every night for last year and a half. Even on the couch last night I tossed and turned...okay and cried a little. I woke up this morning with that lonely mood and then I got so fucking mad. Almost shaking mad. I can't remember the last time I've been this mad (this is a lie, I do remember. It was the day facebook informed me that The Ex was officially relationshipping with the slutbag he cheated on me with.)

I was just so furious. I mean, why the fuck do I need a man? I have 3 high powered vibrators that get the job done lickitysplit! I spent a half an hour putting together my very own patio table. I carry my own garbage down and maneuver the bag over my head and into the bin. This morning I went outside to have a smoke and was disgusted to find my entire patio infested with spiders. GAH!!! I fucking hate spiders. Have they made spider catchers? And if they have, why are they not advertised. I am definitely going to go to some sort of outdoorsy store to check this shit out. If spider catchers haven't been invented, then someone better get on that shit because that's a million dollar invention right there. Anywhoooo since I was unaware of the possibility of spider catchers this morning, I was left to fend for myself. AND I FUCKING DID. I fended for myself. It was me against the spiders. I got on my old chucks and squashed those motherfuckers; they didn't even see it coming.

My whole point here is that I don't need to be taken care of. I can do all this shit on my own. Why do I feel so helpless all the time then? Fuck, it's all about the intimacy and affection isn't it? I know that's what I miss. So now my goal is to find all the awful points of intimacy and affection so I don't miss it anymore. I just can't think of anything awful yet. But I will find something.

And now for something completely different, I got the outline of my half sleeve (which has now turned into a 3/4 sleeve) done. Woohoo! It was awesome, and looks awesome. Having my elbow tattooed hurt like a motherfucker but it's all worth it. At the moment however, I am hating this tattoo. Why you ask? Because my arm is so itchy I actually looked at my serrated bread knife and considered sawing off my arm. I only have a few more days until the itch goes away...of course shortly after the itch goes away, I'll be getting the shading done.