Well that was interesting...

Plans for the weekend: Friday - Pub for a birthday party. Saturday - Work function at a pub. Sunday - Afternoon hockey game. Sounded to me like my weekend was going to be filled with drinking (You can't go to a hockey game and not have a beer!) I was really looking forward to this weekend.

Friday was good. I had a few drinks at my friend's before we went out to the pub. When we did get to the pub it was pretty dead but it was still early so I had high hopes it would pick up. After a few drinks I went outside to have a smoke and out walks J. J is a guy that I met about a year and a half ago. He's a giant. Well, 6'6 I would say. He's a total dork also. The first time I met him I fell in love. We made out that night but it never went any further. We ran into each other all the time at the pub. Always had a great time too. So as we were walking to the dance floor, I drunkenly said, "I have a crush you." He said, "Are you kidding? I've had a crush on you since the first time I saw you doing the running man on the dance floor! I wanna take you on a date." *SWOON* Seriously! We ended up parting ways shortly after we exchanged numbers as I was with a big group and his group was leaving to another place but we text the rest of the night. I got basically no sleep but felt surprisingly ok in the morning.

Saturday I went out with everyone from work. This isn't just my friends from work, this is a work function so there are a lot of people there. I started drinking at Poo's house before the party so I was a bit tipsy by the time I got there. I should have stopped drinking when I got there but I didn't. Big mistake. I got hammered at a work function and made sure everyone knew it. So when I go into work on Tuesday, that should be interesting. Oh well though. People have done worse. I didn't flash anyone, dance on anything, fight with anyone or throw up. So it could have been a lot worse.

When I woke up this morning after a whopping 3 hours of sleep (making my grand total over 2 nights, about 5 hours) I almost immediately threw up due to the hangover. I haven't felt this bad in a long time. I gotta say, hockey games really suck balls when you're that hungover.


I'm exhausted, a little embarrassed, confused, twitter-pattered and nauseous.

Random Things That Happened Over The Last 3 Weeks

A list for you all...

- I bought a new car. Well I ordered a new car. I’m currently waiting for it to come in from the factory.

- My current car randomly started to die. Replaced a Fuel Sensor.

- Car wouldn’t start. Cranks but no start. Replaced battery.

- Got 3 blocks from work and heard a weird car noise. Flat tire.

- Flat tire can’t be repaired. Don’t wanna buy a new tire. I have snow tires at home though.

- Drove home on my teeny tiny spare going 50km/hr. Took me an hour and a half.

- Replaced tires with snow tires.

- Thought about how I could get away with stealing my neighbors new puppy.

- Considered stabbing my neighbor to inherit said puppy.

- Saw a car commercial. Disappointed I didn’t get the car from that commercial. Realized that commercial was for the car I ordered. Felt stupid.

- Lost my neighbors keys.

- Had to get a locksmith to open her door.

- Got a random crush on a guy at work that I never found attractive before.

- Started texting with guy at work.

- Constantly question if I actually like him or if I just want a relationship.

Is there a sign that says "if you're emotionally unavailable, I want you?" hanging off my neck?

What is with my falling for emotionally unavailable guys?

So I start hanging out with that guy and we have that fabulous date night and I haven't heard from him since really. WTF?

I can't fucking deal with assholes like this anymore. I just want someone to tell me if they're not interested instead of just disappearing, cuz I can't handle the fucking disappearing act. Jesus fucking christ.

I'm sorry about your 3 hour long hard on...but I'm not doing anything about it

Huzzah! I'm alive. Sorry for the mini-blog-vacay but I needed a break. I know that sounds strange, but blogging about my life can sometimes be emotionally taxing. Anywho I'm back...with something to blog about for once.

Let's see...where to start. A while back (beginning of July I think) I took a week off work. During this week, I went up to my parent's summer condo with one of my best friends for the weekend. Oh the drunken tomfoolery that ensued. First of all, I went up there with a sprained ankle because of earlier
drunken tomfoolery. The weekend was great despite my sprained ankle...I did however have to wrap and ice it occasionally. We met up with some guys that were up there. They were younger but still cool. I got kinda flirty with one of them...he became my foot stool (ya know, had to keep that ankle elevated.) The boys decided to have a bonfire so on the way down the large set of cement steps to the fire pit I managed to miss a step and fall...re-spraining my already sprained ankle. This sucked! Except that it gave me an excuse to continue to use my new man-friend as a foot stool and that was nice. Eventually my ice pack got warm and my new man-friend suggested we go back to his condo to get me some ice. He piggy backed me all the way up the death stairs and back to his condo for ice. He asked "this deserves a hug ya?" Drunk Amanda replied, "Yaaaa, for sure!" So we hugged it out, and then all of a sudden we were making out. And then all of a sudden he was carrying me into the bedroom. The sex itself wasn't the greatest as far as orgasm potential but we had so much fun. Oh I totally love a good random sex night.

So that was that...as of late though, I've sort of met someone that has major boyfriend potential. We met on POF...sort of. He found me on POF and msged me, "you look familiar, how do I know you?" Turns out we have a ton of mutual friends. Anyways, we started talking on msn, he seemed really cool. We met up one night at a park to smoke a joint and I couldn't help but think about how friggin' cute he was. We talked some more and made "date" plans for a few nights later. Date night was a huge shock to me! He's a total metal head so I was really surprised to find that he's an absolute fucking gentleman. Opening car doors for me and such. Oh I was swooning, believe me. I was a little disappointed because all I got was a hug that night. Not a cuddle or a hand hold even. I really hate being a girl sometimes because my first thought when I got home was that he wasn't really interested because of the fact that he didn't try to put the moves on me but then we started talking on msn and we made a plan to go to the drive-in on the friday.

The drive-in was fucking amazing. I can't believe I've lived about 15 minutes away from it for so long and never gone! It's so neat...I can smoke and watch the movie all at the same time! We went to the 1:45am showing because he had gone to a football game earlier in the day and didn't think he'd get back into town until later. So at the movies, my mind was racing with thoughts about where I put my hand so he can try and hold it without looking really obvious and stuff. It was really really stupid. I hate dating, I hate having to think about stupid shit like that. Anyways though, I was sitting there getting really frustrated with myself because I just couldn't keep my mind on the movie and then all of a sudden he puts his arm around me and scooches over to cuddle up with me. We spent the entire movie just cuddling and laughing at the movie. He is a fantastic cuddler; he didn't just put his arm around me, he had his arm around me was rubbing my arm with his hand, and would rub my hand with free hand or push my hair out of my face. *swoon*

So we get back to my place at about 3:30ish in the morning and he asks if I want to smoke a joint, so we go up and have a beer, smoke a joint. We continue to cuddle up on the couch and throw in a movie. I got up for some reason, don't remember why and when I sat back down he kissed me. Have you ever looked at someone and thought to yourself "I bet they'd be a bad kisser and probably really bad in bed"? Well that was actually my first thought with him. Boy was I fucking wrong. He is, officially, the most amazing kisser. He uses just the tiny bit of tongue and does that sexy manly thing where they put their hand on the side of your face. So we start making out and he's blowing my fucking mind with his ability to kiss and I automatically want to strip down and fuck him. But I don't want to screw this up so in my head, I promised myself that as soon as he goes for my pants, I'm going to stop it and suggest it's getting late and that he go home. He never fucking went for my pants. We made out on my couch for like 3 hours. Finally, I was getting exhausted and I think he was too and he asked what time it was (oh about 6:45 in the morning) and he made a comment about how we're both going to be exhausted the next day. I told him he was welcome to crash with me but that I wasn't going to fuck him. He looked at my right in the eyes and said "I wasn't going to try, that's cool" so we went to bed and proceeded to make out and cuddle and sleep a tiny bit. I almost broke my promise to myself because when we really started making out I could tell he was going to be kinda rough in bed, which is a huge turn on. He'd bite my bottom lip occasionally and he'd put his hand through my hair and then slightly tug my hair to turn my head slightly. Oh man just thinking about it makes my girly parts tingle a little. I managed to stay strong though. Literally all that happened was that we made out, I felt bad that he spent almost the entire night with a huge fucking hard on and that he'd have no relief from me but he didn't seem bothered by it in the slightest.

So now I'm sitting here giddy, euphoric and swooning hard. Must stay strong. I've really wanted to have meaningful, intimate sex lately (probably from my last year and a half of slutting it up with randoms) so I'm going to wait with him. We'll see how long that lasts.

Ah Friends...how do we feel about this?

G and my friendship seems to be going well. He came over last night to play some cards and watch a movie. It was good. Oh but the wanting of canoodling is so very strong.

My expectations with this friendship thing is probably too high. I do want to get to know him better but I also am yet to find anything I dislike about him and so my feelings for him tend to just get stronger. He's not the type of guy to hold on to me as a friend for the intent of another drunken hook up (he's not into drunken hook ups and despite our initial one, it was the first "anything" he's had in years) but I am concerned that I'm going to fall fucking head over heels for him and he's not going to tell me when/if his feelings for me change to "just friends" and I'll never get over him. With his ability to communicate his feelings to me, I have to assume he'll let me know if I should ever "write him off." I'm sincerely hoping he will anyways.

He asked me the other day what my biggest regret is...I said I didn't have one, but in all honesty, getting drunk and hooking up with him was my biggest regret to date. I hate that it left us both feeling like we're obligated to be in a relationship; now that we're out of that relationship, I really would like to get to a point where we are comfortable with the idea of giving it a shot but there's this fear now. Had I stayed sober (at least semi-sober) I wouldn't have slept with him; I wouldn't be in the position that I am now. We would have continued to do this awkward flirting and getting more comfortable with each other and just would have seen where it went. My expectations wouldn't be as high as they are now. High expectations = high insecurity levels.

That being said, no more getting shitfaced around him, period. This is me, holding myself accountable for this. If I do get drunk with him, you all have to comment with a "WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING?!" Deal?

Ahhhhhh!

I went to swoon-worthy boys concert last night. He's a drummer in a folky/blues kind of band. There was major flirting. Although, keep in mind it was Grade 8 style flirting because we're so so awkward. But we discussed our awkwardness and that we take comfort in each other's social ineptitude. We also made a flea market date for Sunday.

But right now...I'm more worried about tonight. What do I wear? (thanks for freaking me out about that Nicole :P) How much should I drink? I can't drink too much because then I might jump him right in the bar and I really don't want to come across as that kind of girl (even though I kind of am that kind of girl) because I really like him.

I'm not good with the date thing, can you tell?

And at what point, is it safe to tell my brother that I'm dating (are we dating?!) his ex-roommate?

An update

So I was off work today, new swoon-worthy boy happened to be off work as well. He suggested that perhaps we meet up to do the cd exchange. I agreed. We went for a walk around a lake. It was so awkward. We're both so shy and awkward as it is. What happens when you put two shy, awkward people together that have little experience hanging out with one another...extreme awkwardness.

He ended up coming back to my place to watch a movie. There's was definitely no canoodling or even flirting. This makes me question whether or not he likes Sober Amanda, perhaps he just likes Drunk Amanda. Or perhaps this is the first time we've hung out and I shouldn't think so much about it.

This is why I hate crushes. It causes me to think too much about my own flaws and I get incredibly insecure and well, awkward.

Also, I need a nickname for new swoon-worthy boy...any suggestions? (I'm too consumed with replaying the day over and over in my head to think about anything creative for him)

No thank you

So during my odd Friday night last week, I made friends with a guy. I've known the guy for a while (we have many mutual friends) but always thought of him as an arrogant douche because he hardly ever said much and kind of had this arrogant look to him. I despised the guy really. But during my drunken Friday night, we managed to strike up a conversation and during that conversation, where my opinion of him changed, I realized he was dead fucking sexy. Totally outta my league though so after our conversation ended and I wandered away, I really didn't think twice about him.

And then, Sunday morning I checked my FB and I had a friend request from him. I happily accepted his friend request and then lurked his profile (read drooled over pictures of him.) Later on in the evening, I was online, he was online so I sent him a quick hello. He messaged me back, we began to chat. We talked a lot about music and we came to the conclusion that he had to borrow one of my cds. I mentioned that I hardly ever run into him so I'm not sure when he'd be able to get that cd. He suggested I go to the pub more often; I said I go all the time, perhaps he should go more often. He suggested a compromise where we both make more of an effort to randomly run into each other at pub. We ended up chatting for over two hours and the more I talked to him, the more I liked him. He's incredibly smart and has great taste in music. So I was a little disappointed in myself, I did not want anymore crushes and this guy was totally out of my league so now I had to work on getting over my crush instead of dwelling in it.

Then, last night, I talked to BFF1 and I mentioned that I had a little crush on someone and she said "oh really?" and then she mentioned that she got a text message from someone asking her if I was single. She said, yes. And then another text asking why I wore a ring on my ring finger then. She said she didn't know but she knew that the ring was from my parents (it's the only finger my ring fits on and I've just been too lazy to have it sized). I asked her who asked her these questions and it was none other than my new crush. Is it safe to say, that this means he's interested?

We spent another two hours talking last night and planned to hopefully run into each other on Friday night. The thing is, now that I know there is potential there, I'm going to be nervous when I run into him and probably say something stupid and not be remotely cute or witty or anything like that. There's major heartbreak potential here.

No more heartbreaks please, I don't know if I can handle another one!