My Crazy Crazy Aunt

My Aunt (Mom's Sister) was just in town. She is fucking coocoobanana's. I can't stress enough how much I love her and how much she makes me laugh but seriously crazy. A few quotes from her stay:

"I got lost in the shower! Just about had a damn heartattack." WHAT? You got lost in the shower? I have been trying to type out her explanation of getting lost in the shower but it makes no sense, so lets just leave it at her getting "lost" in the shower and how incredibly odd that is.

Walking into my bedroom, she sees my bed and says "YOU COULD HAVE A THREESOME IN THAT BED!" My bed is nothing special or gigantic by any means so I have no idea what possessed her to comment on the potential for a threesome.

Sitting in my parent's living room with Mom, Stepdad, and Auntie, my aunt asks me "will you go to the toy store with me?" "Sure, Auntie. Are you picking up something for C? (her grandson)" Her response made my stepdad throw down his news paper and walk out. It made my mom choke on her coffee and blush 5 shades of red. It made me laugh until I couldn't breathe. What did she say? "No, not a real toy store. An adult toy store. I feel like my vagina is closing up its been so long since something has been in there. Its just been way too long since I've had an orgasm." I also feel the need to mention that I didn't take my aunt shopping for a new vibe.

I wish I had spent more time with her to catch the other random remarks she said during her visit.

Surgery

My dad is home from the hospital. His surgery went well. He is experiencing the more minor side effects that were possible and seeing as it could have been a lot worse, these minor side effects aren't so bad. I brought him some groceries and some dinner. I rented him a few movies and offered to come with him to his post-surgery appointment. He seems well enough to take care of himself. That is a load off of my mind, as horrible as that sounds. I thought long and hard about how much I could deal with as far as taking care of him went, and honestly I thought that I really couldn't deal with much. His condition, at the moment, makes me think that he won't need me as much as I prepared for.

Tough Times

I just found out that my dad has to have surgery. He tried to downplay it but it sounds serious. He has a tumor, I guess in his gland. It's like right under his ear, along his jawline. It's big...you can definitely see it. He was pretty sure that it's not cancerous, at least that's what he told me. He said the biggest concern is that there is a major nerve that goes right through the tumor so after it's been removed there is an incredibly good chance of face paralysis (and not to mention a fucking huge chunk of his face missing.) In good old fashion dad-style, he joked about it. We talked about how we'd make up stories about how he rescued babies and puppies from a burning building and that's how he got the scar. We joked about it all afternoon. It's our way of dealing with things, just make it funny.

This brings up a lot of crazy thoughts for me. In general, I've always thought my dad was a major douchebag. We can definitely have fun but a lot of the time, I see him and end up feeling totally inadequate. Now I sort of feel weird about him. I should have put more effort in. What if he has to go through this and not have anyone to help him through it? I feel like shit because there's a big part of me that just can not imagine seeing my dad on a regular basis regardless of the situation; I'm not sure if I could emotionally handle it but I have to be here for him. I just don't know how.