A Whole New Low

We might be writing DB off as a friend. I'm not going to get into all the details, it's more or less just standing up for my girls but the intensity of disgust I feel towards him right now is pretty high.

I will say that Girl Version and I have turned into pretty good friends. She's got a kind heart and obviously would stand up for any and all of her friends. After they broke though, DB and I hung out more often. Nothing inappropriate happened, just friends. Occasionally I was reminded why I disliked him some of the time, but for the most part he was a decent friend. He came over on Sunday for a bbq...he told me about this girl he's smitten over. I've never heard him used the word smitten before and he seemed generally excited about her so I was excited for him. Until of course he drops the bomb..."yah Girl Version actually introduced us." I'm sorry, what did you say? You're going to put the moves on your ex girlfriend's friend? I said "is that really cool? I mean, you guys broke up not too long ago and we both know that it wasn't her idea." He gave me a dirty look and then shrugged.

I said, "DB, this is so against the rules, c'mon now." "Girl Version isn't like that. She won't care. And besides this girl has a boyfriend anyways," he responds. I love how he justifies everything for the sake of getting laid. I laughed, I know him so well, "like her having a boyfriend would stop you." He replies, "haha you're right. It wouldn't stop me. The boyfriend factor should only stop her, and seriously, who can resist me." Oh the arrogance (but it's true, he's nearly impossible to resist!)

I tell him again that I think what he's doing isn't right, not without talking to Girl Version first. I thought I had gotten through to him. Later on in the evening I see a bit of an angry FB status from Girl Version. I text her and ask if she's okay. She said, "I'm alright but DB and my friendship will never be alright ever again." An hour later, I had heard every disgusting, douchebag, sneaky, manipulative thing he'd pulled in their relationship, and going after her best friend is nothing compared to the other things. I literally was shaking with anger and disgust. I felt disgusted that I had even spent time with him earlier. I really don't want to go into all the details because despite that this is an anonymous blog, what she told me was incredibly personal and I don't feel like it's something that needs to be aired to whomever reads the blog. Trust me when I tell you that it's despicable.


I'm pretty worried about running into him because he will most definitely get an earful from me. I don't think I could hold back. I always knew that he used women for sex, but I never knew to what extent and how manipulative he could be. Obviously the boy has issues, and one of these days those issues are going to catch up to him. The most ridiculous thing is, Girl Version said towards the end of our conversation. "I just needed a little more time. If they gave me a little more time and talked to me about it, I would have set them up!" Smh

Friends Again, Friends Again

Back in the day, there were 3 reasons why I was good friends with DB... 1.we both moved to the same town because of our then significant others. We both broke up with these significant others around the same time and were left in this town without many friends. 2. I had no heat in my apartment during this time so I used him for his heat-filled apartment. 3. We're both completely content with doing nothing but watching crappy tv/movies all night.

Then all that shit happened and we didn't talk for like 7 months. When we did talk again he was with Girl Version. The friendship did start to rekindle slightly and that was nice. I think this weekend was a turning point. Thursday night, I went out to his place with BFF1 and we just hung out there with a few people. Last night we were talking on FB chat he mentioned that he was bored, I said I was bored as well. He suggested I come visit him. I declined as he lives about 45 minutes away and it was already 11:30 so by the time I got there, I'd have to leave pretty quick if I wanted to avoid not falling asleep on the drive home later. He ended up convincing me to come out. We smoked some grass and watched a few episodes of Oz, then I fell asleep on his couch. When it was time for him to go to bed, he told me to take his bed and he'd crash on the couch. I opted for his couch though (I hate kicking people out of their bed). The evening went really well...there were even a few inappropriate comments made between the two of us. I'm pretty jazzed that this friendship is getting back to normal. I kinda missed him a little.

Ugh looks like I need a new "name"

So my first lover since the ex and I broke up (ya the "friend" that gave me a night of extreme pleasure and then never called) is moving back to town and I've run into him 3 more times. We have a billion mutual friends and it looks like I'll be awkwardly seeing much more of him. So I will dub him DB (for Douchebag ha!)

Even before the night of lovin' I've always been incredibly mean to him. Not that he's an angel back to me but we bicker and call each other names. I didn't mind this when there were sexual comments in between the name calling but now there's just name calling and meanness between us. It's really no fun.

On another note...Saturday left me emotionally drained. I was feeling quite anxious all day and by the time I got home from coffee with a friend I was headed for a mental fucking break down. Fuck! I needed to call my sister-in-law to let her know that our Sunday plans were not going to happen as I needed to work on a paper, and before I knew it I was balling my fucking eyes out on the phone. I am pretty sure, in that moment, I gave up completely on life in general. Had I died in my sleep and not woken up Sunday morning, I wouldn't have complained. Thankfully, my sis-in-law (from now on, I will refer to her as Sis) came over and talked me down from my craziness.

Sometimes I ignore the anxiety, sadness, loneliness etc., all week and then it manifests itself into these major mental breakdowns. I wonder why I don't have a boyfriend sometimes and then I remember...Oh ya, you're a fucking nut job!

I'm feeling somewhat better as of today. I'm less anxious but still feeling a little "give up-y" but I know that is just left over from whatever the fuck happened on Saturday.

I'm exhausted.